A Squatter's Life
Rod just got around to reading my previous posting: "Division of Labour." When he read the part about not ironing for him and sharing 'tidy toilet' duties, he nodded and remarked very matter of factly, "Right - -- that's when I started sitting down to pee."
It's a significant milestone in our married history, really. You know . . . the first time you leave the bathroom door open while peeing . . . the first time you have to flap the bedcover . . . the first time your husband scratches his itches without apology. And, for Rod - - - sitting down to pee.
After hysterically laughing until I was crying, I did remember this fact. To Rod's dismay this is just too good not to become 'blog fodder!'
I remember the first time he actually took the toilet brush in hand. . . . Rod has a thing about germs, so wouldn't be surprised if he also donned gloves and a safety mask on his first foray. Okay, if not that extreme, there was at least some major scrubbing afterward that any surgeon would be proud of.
He went in for battle and came out announcing that he never knew how much splatter a man could muster! He immediately felt sorry for his mother - - cleaning up two bathrooms for a team of three spritzing males for 20 odd years!
It was then and there that he made the announcement. It was like a spiritual awakening really - - he denounced tradition and announced the conversion: "Hear ye, hear ye! From this point forth, I will sitteth to pee-ith!"
He has thus, eliminated 'the spray' altogether. My external toilet and immediate surrounding floor has sparkled ever since!
It reminds me of the Jack Nicholson film, "About Schmidt". Have you seen it? In the beginning he's talking about how much he hates his wife... during the diatribe it pans to him sitting on the pot. Here's a teaser of the script . . . . get that famous, Jack voice in your head first, then proceed:
Who is this old woman who lives in my house?
Why is it that every little thing she does irritates me?
Like the way she gets the keys out of her purse -- long before we reach the car.
And how she throws our money away on her ridiculous little collections.
And the way she cuts me off when I try to speak.
And I hate the ways she sits.And the way she smells.
[Pan to Jack sitting on the john]...
For years now, she has insisted that I sit when I urinate. My promise to lift the seat, and wipe the rim and put the seat back down -- wasn't good enough for her. No!
Ahhh..... Rod is my Jack. But, I caution that he is not hen-pecked! He chose this squatter's life himself.
Like a religious conversion, Rod is now critical of all men (particularly family, he's forgiving of friends, mostly) who DON'T sit to pee. He rarely confronts the male transgressors. Rather, he usually expresses his displeasure in one of those hushed conversations you have when family have come to visit you for several days.
You know those conversations. . . . everyone's gone to bed, you close the door but know the walls are too thin to block out anything above 5 decibals. Whispering loudly:
Rod: "He's peeing all over the floor, it's like Mount Vesuvius in there."
Heather: "You can't MAKE him sit down to pee, you'll just have to deal with it."
Rod: "But ants and other small insects are having a party on the bathroom floor!"
Heather: "So tell him!"
Rod: "I'm not gonna tell him, you tell him."
Heather: "I'm certainly not gonna tell him!!!!"
And so it goes . . . .
Ahhh, for those of you unmarried or newly married, these are the things you have to look forward to in married life. It is an exciting adventure . . . . 14 years and counting!
Heather
It's a significant milestone in our married history, really. You know . . . the first time you leave the bathroom door open while peeing . . . the first time you have to flap the bedcover . . . the first time your husband scratches his itches without apology. And, for Rod - - - sitting down to pee.
After hysterically laughing until I was crying, I did remember this fact. To Rod's dismay this is just too good not to become 'blog fodder!'
I remember the first time he actually took the toilet brush in hand. . . . Rod has a thing about germs, so wouldn't be surprised if he also donned gloves and a safety mask on his first foray. Okay, if not that extreme, there was at least some major scrubbing afterward that any surgeon would be proud of.
He went in for battle and came out announcing that he never knew how much splatter a man could muster! He immediately felt sorry for his mother - - cleaning up two bathrooms for a team of three spritzing males for 20 odd years!
It was then and there that he made the announcement. It was like a spiritual awakening really - - he denounced tradition and announced the conversion: "Hear ye, hear ye! From this point forth, I will sitteth to pee-ith!"
He has thus, eliminated 'the spray' altogether. My external toilet and immediate surrounding floor has sparkled ever since!
It reminds me of the Jack Nicholson film, "About Schmidt". Have you seen it? In the beginning he's talking about how much he hates his wife... during the diatribe it pans to him sitting on the pot. Here's a teaser of the script . . . . get that famous, Jack voice in your head first, then proceed:
Who is this old woman who lives in my house?
Why is it that every little thing she does irritates me?
Like the way she gets the keys out of her purse -- long before we reach the car.
And how she throws our money away on her ridiculous little collections.
And the way she cuts me off when I try to speak.
And I hate the ways she sits.And the way she smells.
[Pan to Jack sitting on the john]...
For years now, she has insisted that I sit when I urinate. My promise to lift the seat, and wipe the rim and put the seat back down -- wasn't good enough for her. No!
Ahhh..... Rod is my Jack. But, I caution that he is not hen-pecked! He chose this squatter's life himself.
Like a religious conversion, Rod is now critical of all men (particularly family, he's forgiving of friends, mostly) who DON'T sit to pee. He rarely confronts the male transgressors. Rather, he usually expresses his displeasure in one of those hushed conversations you have when family have come to visit you for several days.
You know those conversations. . . . everyone's gone to bed, you close the door but know the walls are too thin to block out anything above 5 decibals. Whispering loudly:
Rod: "He's peeing all over the floor, it's like Mount Vesuvius in there."
Heather: "You can't MAKE him sit down to pee, you'll just have to deal with it."
Rod: "But ants and other small insects are having a party on the bathroom floor!"
Heather: "So tell him!"
Rod: "I'm not gonna tell him, you tell him."
Heather: "I'm certainly not gonna tell him!!!!"
And so it goes . . . .
Ahhh, for those of you unmarried or newly married, these are the things you have to look forward to in married life. It is an exciting adventure . . . . 14 years and counting!
Heather
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