We've Got to Kill Charlie

“You’re gonna have to kill him,” were the words I uttered to Rod as we watched Charlie lying on his side, barely moving and breathing erratically.

We had gotten attached to him in the last day or two. Our ‘relationship’ started two weeks prior . . .

It was a sunny day. I was sitting on the couch and looking outside the window when I noticed Pele The Cat ‘flirting’ with something in the backyard. I knew he was flirting - - he was flicking his tail and rolling on his back and casting his wide eyes at something in the grass not too far away.

I went to inspect.

A baby hedgehog was the love interest apparently. Freaked out by small, wild animals (wha, huh, do you even follow this blog, people?) I didn’t get too close. But I had to admit he was a bit cute. He was only as big as my hand and slow as a snail, so I wasn’t too worried about a vicious hedgehog attack.

As the days went on, I got used to seeing Charlie skitter across the yard. He seemed to be happy slowly meandering around the lawn and gardens – surely in search of some sort of grub or other hedgehog delicacy.

Pele continued to flirt and often was caught sitting beside Charlie the hedgehog at different places in the garden.

Fast forward to Saturday. Charlie was in the grass and Rod and I were doing a bit of a project – some brick work and seed sowing. Charlie had a bit of a nap in the grass for a few hours, which we found rather odd. Especially since we were walking past him continuously. No sign of him curling up into a defensive ball as they do. But, he perked up as the sun went down and proceeded his wandering ways around the yard, checking out our new brickwork along the way.

He did seem a bit out of sorts, however. He just wasn’t quite right. At one point we tried to feed him cat food – that apparently isn’t something hedgehogs normally eat. He turned his nose up – literally!

That night, the last we saw Charlie he was heading under the deck with Pele close behind watching his every move.

The next morning, I opened the blinds to find Charlie sleeping right by the back door. I did a close inspection – yes, he was breathing, but his breathing was definitely ‘laboured.’ I didn’t feel good about this.

That’s when I said to Rod, “I think you’re going to have to kill Charlie.”

It was the only humane thing to do. . . .

That led us to discuss – how do you properly kill a hedgehog? Several different methods were discussed. But, Rod was pretty defiant. After his killing spree last spring (wha, huh, really, seriously, do you follow my blog??), he was jaded and refused to kill any little backyard friends ever again.

So, Rod went to work and I started my hourly vigil of reporting to the cats on Charlie’s fight for life. “He’s still breathing!,” I’d yell from the living room to the cats who were sleeping in the bedroom.

At one point, Pele went out the cat door and lay down beside Charlie. He then stretched out in the sun with his paws nearly touching Charlie’s spikey little head. I think Pele was hoping Charlie would get up and shuffle about for his amusement. Wasn’t happening . .. .

1:00 came and I checked Charlie one final time and left for a meeting. 3:00, back from my meeting, time for a Charlie Check - - -dead. I yelled to the cats, “Charlie’s kicked it!” They kept sleeping. I phoned Rod and left a message, “Charlie’s dead.”

Well, a few hours later, Rod got home, got the shovel and buried Charlie in the veggie garden. He asked me to say a few words in memorial – my eulogy resembled the ‘few words’ by Chevy Chase in National Lampoon’s Vacation when the family leaves Aunt Edna at the cousin’s back door . . . . I find a bit of laughter after death makes everyone happier . . . .

The upside is Charlie did not die in vain. Our little Charlie will give us good nutrients for growing our tomatoes next summer.

The irony, however, is . . . the cats love to poo in the exact location where Rod buried Charlie. Later that night, Pele wandered in the cat door with dirt on his paws. I think he pooped on Charlie.

There’s a life lesson in there somewhere - - just not quite sure what it is yet.