Asparagus in the Air

If I didn’t know better, I might suspect I was pregnant. (Don’t be alarmed, I do know better and this is a 100% impossibility, thank you Lord!).

Why? Well, have I heard somewhere that pregnant women are ultra-sensitive to smells? Not sure if this includes actually manufacturing phantom smells, but that is what has happened to me.

Every day, about five times a day . . . I smell asparagus.

It’s gotten to the point where it’s driving me mad. At first I thought maybe I was eating too much asparagus (it is in season) and the smell was seeping out of my orifices. Not just my pee, as is normal you know, but EVERY orifice. Can a smell really come out of your nose? Your ears? I am beginning to think it might be possible.

But, that can’t be accurate. I eat asparagus about once a week at the moment . . . two, tops. . . surely that frequency can’t leave lasting seeping effects?

Then, I thought maybe it was my breath. Eek! Rod has gotten tired of me coming up to him unexpectedly and huffing into his face, ‘does my breathe smell like asparagus??!’ Assaulted with a scrunched up face, he backs away and shakes his head. He’s often uncomplimentary, but does confirm my breath does not smell like asparagus.

For the past two weeks I’ve made it a habit to keep asking Rod, “There! I smell it again! Asparagus! Do you smell it??” I just get ‘the look’ – did you actually ask me that AGAIN, crazy lady!

Now, I’ve just relegated to random statements without expecting a reply . . . ‘there it is again.’ Or simply, just. . . ‘asparagus!’ It’s like a code word now, Rod knows what I’m referring to. He no longer comments. Just rolls his eyes.

Sometimes on those crazy shows about poltergeists living in someone’s home, people will talk about smelling smells. Maybe some asparagus-loving ghost is following me around!? My grandmother loved asparagus . . . . maybe Bernice is trying to communicate to me from beyond the grave!?? Grandma, are you there??

Good news is . . . asparagus season is almost over. I’m hoping the smell disappears with the crop.

Heather

Comments

Anonymous said…
As long as it is only Rod rolling his eyes - olfactory hallucinations can be a symptom of temporal lobe epilepsy. I need to tell you that not all pregant women are sensitive to smell - I missed out on that heightened sensation that apparently can otherwise be induced by smoking Pukete Thunder... actually I think your oozing orifice theory more likely. Human beings can detect some infinitesimal amount of garlic like 1 ppm...
December 30, 2007 at 1:26 PM
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